Fence Sitting Dreamer
It took me a long time to find the gumption to think aloud about this project. When I started working on it, I felt embarrassed to have such a grand dream. I worried that people would consider me flippant and foolish and mock me if I failed.
That’s a daunting triple threat even for the best of us. And frankly all that ugliness is hard to avoid. The naysayer’s are a dime a dozen but do they get to decide what you do with your life? To be honest, they almost did. Till I heard these trip-altering words over a couple of beers at Toto’s in Bombay.
“Dare to defy the system! It won’t be easy but it’ll be one heck of a ride… So quit whining and get organized.”
The hardest part was to acknowledge that I had become a fence sitting dreamer! Unhappy about the situation I was in, but too scared to change anything! And between towing the line and constantly whining about it, I managed to keep myself distracted from the fact that I was living half-ass’d… at best.
When did I become this person? How did the unfamiliar or untested become the enemy? Didn’t I always believe that I wasn’t cut out for the 9 to 5 jig and that the universe had grand(er) plans for me? And yet, the 9 to 5 is exactly what I’d done, and the universe had gradually morphed from an ally into the antagonist!
That was what I like to call ‘The Great Depression of 2009′.
This project has now been almost a year in the making. And I’ve grown rather fond of my new friends- Miss Unfamiliar and Mr. Untested. They’re good people and usually hang around with Miss Understood. (I know thats corny, but this is MY blog… suck it up!)
In the past year, I learnt that the anatomy of living your dreams starts with some hard choices and sleepless nights. The sweaty palms and knots in your stomach creep in when you begin assessing the gargantuan task at hand. Then comes that light headed feeling when you start believing ‘I might actually pull this off’! By this time you’ll probably be talking to yourself and ‘what the heck have I gotten myself into’ will come up often in conversation. The cold feet and restlessness are actually a good sign. This is the home stretch I imagine. When you wake up everyday with the realization that your dream is now a reality and you’d better brace for impact.
Stick around to watch my dream project unfold. You can also stick around to mock me if I fail. Either way, it will be one heck of a ride.
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